Showing posts with label JOKE. Show all posts
Showing posts with label JOKE. Show all posts

Friday, 12 January 2018

JOKE OF THE DAY

My Daddy Plays Piano in a Whorehouse

Mrs. Jacobson, a prim and proper, straitlaced lady, is a teacher of Grade Four students. One of the lessons is about the types of different jobs adults have…sort of a “what do you want to be when you grow up” type of lesson.
Part of it was asking the students what their parents do for a living.
“Sally, what does you father do?”
Sally proudly answers, “My Daddy is a Real Estate agent, and he helps people sell the house they own now, and buy a better house.”
“Very good, Sally,” replies Mrs Jacobson. “Jimmy, how about you? What does your father do?”
Jimmy smiles and says, “He works in a laboratory in a hospital and helps the doctors find out exactly how people are sick, so the doctors can help them get better.”
Johnny has been sitting at his desk, shoulders slumped and staring down. He’s asked, but mumbles something incoherent.

JOKES--- The Hunter


A 90 yr old man goes to a doctor.
He said:"Doctor, my 28yr old wife is pregnant, what's your opinion?"

Doctor replies: "Let me tell you a story. A hunter in a hurry grabs an umbrella instead of his hunting rifle. He moves into the jungle, sees a lion, lifts the umbrella pulls the handle and....BANG!!!...d lion drops dead!"

Old man exclaims: "That's impossible! Someone else must have shot the lion."

Doctor: "EXACTLY MY OPINION."

Marriage

Daddy," said a six-year-old boy, "I'd like to get married."
"Sure, son." said his father. "Anyone special in mind?"
"Yes," answered the boy. "Grandma. She’s nice"

"Now, wait a minute," said his father.
"You don't think I'd let you marry my mother, do you!!"
"Why not?" the boy asked. "You married mine

The Tale of Two Bats

Two vampire bats wake up in the middle of the night, thirsty for blood. One says, "Let's fly out of the cave and get some blood."

"We're new here," says the second one. "It's dark out, and we don't know where to look. We'd better wait until the other bats go with us." 

The first bat replies, "Who needs them? I can find some blood somewhere myself." He flies out of the cave. 

When he returns, he is covered with blood.

The second bat says excitedly, "Where did you get the blood?" 

The first bat takes his buddy to the mouth of the cave. Pointing into the night, he asks, "See that black building over there?" 

"Yes," the other bat answers.

"Well," says the first bat, "I didn't."

Thursday, 12 October 2017

"If I rape you & you cum, its unfair to call the police on me cause you enjoyed it": Ode Nigerian man writes, then insults people who criticized him for it

"If I rape you & you cum, its unfair to call the police on me cause you enjoyed it": Ode Nigerian man writes, then insults people who criticized him for it 
A Nigerian law student and self-acclaimed writer took to Twitter to write a very senseless post promoting rape which he now says was a "fictitious joke."
The Twitter user who goes by the name Chukwuemeka Felix wrote: "If I rape you & you cum, it's unfair to call the police on me cause you enjoyed it. I'm sure you won't love to see your baby daddy in jail."

Wednesday, 26 April 2017

Nite of a Thousand Laughs holds May 1st in Abuja

Nite Of A Thousand Laughs...
1st Of May...
(May Day Edition)
This is Me...
Telling You...
To tell Him...
To tell Her...
To tell Them...
They should Know...

Wednesday, 26 October 2016

Funny and confusing picture

Hello. This time I will show you guys one interesting and in the same time 

funny confusing picture

. When I first checked it, I also didn't know which one of the bags to take.
What would you do if you were the boy?



Good life lessons


Hello. I recently read some good stories that are meanwhile 

good life lessons

, so I decided to share them with you. They also have Moral of the story which shows what these good life lessons can show us and what we can learn from them. I hope you enjoy them!

Lesson Number 1

The difference between Potentially and Realistically


A son asked his father, ‘Dad, what's the difference between Potentially and Realistically?’
The Father replied, ‘If you really want to know, go ask your mother if she'll sleep with Robert Redford for one million dollars, and then go ask your sister if she'll sleep with Brad Pitt for one million dollars. And then go ask your brother if he'll sleep with Tom Cruise for one million dollars, and then come back to me and tell me what you found out.’

Wednesday, 25 May 2016

Parrot with no legs

This guy is setting at a bar, and he's had a lot to drink that night; he asks the bartender for another drink, but the bartender says no.
The guy is pretty upset by this and persists, but the bartender keeps saying no. Finally the guy asks, "Well isn't there anything that you can give me?" The bartender says, "I've got this parrot over there in the corner, sitting on a perch, with no legs.
The guy interested by this asks how the parrot stays on the perch with no legs. The bartender tells the guy that the parrot just raps his dick around the perch.
The guy is amazed by this and agrees to take the bird home. On the trip home he asks the parrot if he can talk. The parrot says, "Sure I can talk!"

The guy thinks for a second and then says, "I've got a job for you. I have to go to work tomorrow and my wife will be home alone all day long. I want you to watch her and tell me everything that happens while I'm gone. The only person other than my wife scheduled to be there is the milk man."

Thursday, 24 March 2016

MESSAGE TO PSQURE

Dear Psquare, I want to ask * WHY E BE SAY *
una wan split after all these years? Coz u guys
seem to have forgotten that there is * NO ONE
LIKE YOU * in Africa, and u also forgot that God
used * IFUNANYA* to make it a * POSSIBILITY *
for u guys to be * UNLIMITED * today. I feel so
bad over your latest * STORY* coz * I LOVE
YOU* and i urge u to deal withyour present
situation * PERSONALLY * and do not let your *
BEAUTIFUL ONYINYE’s * make you split. Don’t
forget that they are only there to * CHOP YOUR
MONEY *. I know that * E NO EASY* but u guys
should try not to get involved in any * BIZZY
BODY* because it will only lead to more *
DANGER* in your carreer, Omo WAHALA go dey
and your fans will no longer be able to dance *
ALINGO * again. settle the problems u guys are
having, coz e get as e dey * DO ME* anytime i
hear say u guys want to * BREAK IT *. I also
heard that you brought *OGA POLICE* in to the

Sunday, 25 October 2015

Joke of the day

A blonde and a redhead have a ranch.
They have just lost their bull.
The women need to buy another,
but only have $500.
The redhead tells the blonde,
"I will go to the market and see if I can find one for under that amount.
If I can, I will send you a telegram.
" She goes to the market and finds one for $499.
Having only one dollar left,
she goes to the telegraph office and finds out that it costs one dollar per word. She is stumped on how to tell the blonde to bring the truck and trailer.
Finally, she tells the telegraph operator to send the word "comfortable." Skeptical, the operator asks, "How will she know to come with the trailer from just that word?"
 The redhead replies, "She's a blonde so she reads slow: 'Come for ta bull.'"

Six Golden Rules For F***ing


1. F***ing once a week
is good for your health but harmful if done every day.

2. F***ing gives proper relaxation for your mind
and body.

3. F***ing refreshes you.

4. After f***ing don't eat too much; go for more liquids.

5. When f***ing try to stay in bed because it can save you valuable energy.


Test your IQ

Solve this Riddle.....
1. If you remove the 1st letter, it refers to a Crime.

2. If you remove the 1st and 2nd letters, it refers to an Animal.

3. If you remove the First & Last letters, it refers to a type of Music.

What is the name of this Fruit?

SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ALIA

Alia Bhatt calls the Help Desk to complain a computer problem.

Alia - When I type computer password, it just shows star star star star. What's the problem?

Help Desk - Dear lady, those stars are to protect you, so that if a person is standing behind, he can't read your password.

Alia - Yeah, but stars appear even when there is no one standing behind me